Don't You Dare Shrink

Someone trying to make you feel small right before your big moment is not a sign you are doing something wrong. It is proof you are moving. Their reaction is not your responsibility, and there is one move that works every time: let them finish, be gracious, walk away, and go crush it anyway.

Why do people try to make you feel small before a big moment?

It is rarely obvious. Not screaming or name-calling. The subtle kind, dressed up as concern or correction, or "just wanting to make sure we are on the same page." The kind that is really about them, not you, but lands on your chest like it is yours to carry.

If you have been in business long enough, you have felt this. Someone questions your credibility right when you are starting to gain traction. Someone minimizes your contribution right when you are stepping into a bigger role. Someone reminds you of "your place" right when you are outgrowing it.

It always comes at the worst possible time. Right before the client meeting. Right before the pitch. Right before the moment where you need to show up as the most confident version of yourself. That is not a coincidence. People do not project their insecurities onto you when you are standing still. They project them when you are moving, when your growth starts to make them uncomfortable, when your visibility starts to feel like a threat to their own.

Whose responsibility is their reaction?

I have been on the receiving end of this more times than I can count. In business. In life. From people I respected. From people I thought were in my corner. Here is what I have learned, and it took me a while to get here: their reaction is not your responsibility.

Someone feeling threatened by your growth does not mean you grew wrong. Someone trying to minimize what you have built does not mean it is smaller than you think. Someone working hard to put you back in a box you have already outgrown does not mean you belong in that box. It means you have outgrown the version of you they were comfortable with. That is their work to do, not yours.

What is the real danger when someone minimizes you?

Maybe you know the colleague who got weird when you started getting recognized. The partner who pulled back when your business took off. The peer who suddenly had opinions about how you were showing up once you started showing up bigger. The person who framed their jealousy as feedback. You felt it in your gut. You knew it was not really about you. You probably questioned yourself anyway.

That questioning is the danger. When someone projects their insecurity onto you, the most dangerous thing is not the projection itself. It is that you start believing it. You start shrinking. You start editing yourself. You start second-guessing the very thing that was working because someone who was uncomfortable with your success made you feel like you were doing something wrong.

What should you do instead of shrinking?

Do not let them win. The next time someone tries to make you small right before your big moment: let them finish, be gracious, walk away, and go crush it anyway. That is the move. Every single time.

You do not owe anyone a smaller version of yourself. You do not owe anyone an apology for growing. You do not owe anyone a seat back in a room you have already walked out of. The people who are meant to be in your corner do not try to shrink you when you grow. They grow with you.

Frequently asked questions

Why do people try to make you feel small before a big moment?

Usually projection. Growth makes some people uncomfortable, and their insecurity surfaces as concern, correction, or feedback right when you are gaining traction. It is about them, not you.

How should you respond when someone tries to shrink you?

Let them finish, be gracious, walk away, and go crush it anyway. Their reaction is their work to do, not yours, and you do not owe anyone a smaller version of yourself.

What is the biggest risk when someone minimizes your success?

Not the projection itself, but believing it: shrinking, editing yourself, and second-guessing the very thing that was working.

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